


Just how many times until we finally learn?

by WafflesAndPancakes



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, This was mainly to write out my emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 18:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20475221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WafflesAndPancakes/pseuds/WafflesAndPancakes
Summary: Anthoine's death throws Charles back in time. Two other people contemplate death.OrMy way of dealing with my emotions





	Just how many times until we finally learn?

**Author's Note:**

> This is not written for fame or to someone's liking.  
This is basically my way of dealing with all the emotions inside me after the crash yesterday.  
This fandom has lost another upcoming star to a tragic accident, and everybody deals differently with it.  
If the crash has affected you in any way, please talk to someone about it. My private messages are always open, you can always message me if you want to talk.  
You are not alone. Never.
> 
> Title from "Go Beyond" by Rasmussen

This day had been destined to be a good one. Scoring the pole position, Charles had believed that nothing could bring down his mood, bring him down from his high, but that was until things went south really quick. No one would have thought that something like that would happen, damn it, no one had wanted it to happen. But from one second to another, the day had changed into one of the worst days in racing history. And it had thrown him back to this stupid day five years ago.

_ “How is he?!” _

_ He could not stop himself from screaming into the telephone, he had to know what was happening, how he was if he would survive. _

_ “He’s still in surgery, Charles.” _

_ Dan sounded devastated. Devastated and tired. Like a broken man. _

_ “Please tell me he’s going to be fine again. Promise me.” _

_ There was an uncomfortable silence around them, both knowing that the crash had been bad, that their friend was in a critical condition. _

_ “I can’t.” _

He had cried a lot during the following week. He had hoped, prayed, begged that he would survive. When Jules died in the following year, a part of his soul had died with him. And he had hoped that such a fatal crash would not happen again. He knew how horrible you felt as a fellow driver, he knew how horrible it felt to lose a friend, a family member, a loved one, in such a way. And still, he found himself locked into his motorhome, somewhere between screaming and sobbing, because it had happened again. Something that should not have happened.

“Charles… Please let me in…”

Hearing Dan’s voice seemed to calm him down for a bit, and he slowly made his way to open the door, the Aussie immediately entering the room. He pulled Charles into a tight hug, and that was when everything broke inside of Charles. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as Dan held him close, the pain of the last years washing over his body. It was so oddly familiar but also so different. He had raced on that exact same track not long before it had costed a fellow driver’s life.

“It’s so unfair…”

“I know, Charles, I know… This sport is never fair.”

It had never been fair. It would never be fair. It would always cost people’s lives, it would always kill someone. Both physically and mentally. It seemed to be the only way anyone would ever learn, the only way to change something about the racing system, the cars, the safety. Nobody seemed to care until someone died.

They both knew that they would race the next day. They would have to. They could not allow fear to conquer their minds, or else everything would be over. You do not drive when you are afraid. You make mistakes when you are afraid. They had continued racing after Jules’ death, and they would continue after Anthoine’s death. Because they would have wanted it that way. Because it was their passion, their legacy they were going to continue.

~|o|~

The stars were sparkling above their heads, so innocent and naive in the warm summer night, not showing how dark the day had ended. They were sitting next to each other, each holding a beer although they would race the following day. They were sitting in silence, which laid like a heavy blanket over them, both not knowing what to say. One of them was used to this, was used to crashes and was even involved in a pretty harsh crash himself, luckily without any injuries. The other was as innocent and naive as the stars above them. A rookie, a greenhorn. He was young, way too young to have to experience something like that.

“Are you afraid of dying?”

The younger one’s voice seemed to cut through the silence like a sword.

“You can’t be afraid of dying. Too dangerous. If you’re afraid, you’re out.” The older one looked at the bottle in his hand, contemplating, before emptying the rest with a single gulp. “But I think about it a lot.”

“Do… Do you ever wonder what’s it like to be dead? What comes after life?”

“Every time. And I can’t find an answer.”

Silence fell over them again, both seemingly struggling to find the right words. The older driver looked at his teammate, who was looking at the horizon. He looked younger, more vulnerable than on all the other days. He had never seen him that way before.

“What if one of us is the next one?”

The next moment, there was a hand on the younger one’s wrist, grabbing it so hard that he let out a whimper, trying to free his arm.

“Don’t say that, Lando. Never.”

Lando looked at his teammate with big eyes, swallowing hard.

“But what if?”

“There is no ‘What if’. We won’t. End of discussion.”

He earned himself a simple nod before Lando turned his head away, finally being able free his wrist. Carlos sighed quietly and put an arm around him, pulling him into a hug. Lando instantly clung to his friend, burying his face in his chest. They sat like this for a while, before they heard a bell ring in the distance. Twelve times. Midnight. Lando pushed himself away from Carlos, looking at him with a sad smile.

"This... isn't the time to celebrate..." He whispered, biting his lower lip. "But happy Birthday, Carlos. I couldn't imagine a better teammate than you."

**Author's Note:**

> Rest in peace, star.  
Greet Jules from us.


End file.
